plus qu'hier, moins que demain.

plus qu'hier, moins que demain.: why i am still a virgin

ohrinners:

icarryyourheart:

i feel dirty even talking about it.

like my mind should be cleansed with pinesol every time I think about intercourse.

but

I do think about it. Everyone does. And THEY say it’s overrated. I should get it over with. It’s always awkward-as-hell that first time anyways. and maybe
it’s true. That…

 I think that this was beautifully written, like all of the things that you write. I think that what you were attempting to say was with good intentions, but this is what I got:

What You Could Have Written:
people tell me that sex is overrated and not special but I think that it is and I want to wait until I love somebody so that it is mind and body together, not just body. I am probably not going to have casual sex but I respect people who do. I have not found someone whom I could say that I love(d) and that is why I am still a virgin.

What You Wrote Instead:
sex makes me feel dirty and I believe it should only happen when two people love each other because otherwise it is dirty or “wrong”. The kind of sex I am going to have someday is clean and superior to people who choose to have casual sex because in my eyes sex is a vulnerable act and you can only feel vulnerable around people that you love. holding out on the deep desire to feel good is okay because I don’t believe in it unless it’s love because sex is love and love is sex.


My favourite line of the piece was “and all I want is to love you when I’m fucking you.” I think that would sum it all up nicely. That would explain why you are still a virgin without adding that everything else is ‘bad sex’. <end rant>

The user who wrote this to me is a good friend of mine, and it upsets me she didn’t get the right message from my piece. Here is my reply:

“sex makes me feel dirty and I believe it should only happen when two people love each other because otherwise it is dirty or “wrong”.

1.       I never once said anything about sex being dirty or wrong if people don’t love each other. I write at the beginning of the piece that it makes me feel weird talking about it, and it’s difficult for me, and I later IMPLY that the act itself would potentially make me feel dirty or wrong if I didn’t love the other person because it already makes me uncomfortable talking about it, but not that it IS dirty or wrong.

“The kind of sex I am going to have someday is clean and superior to people who choose to have casual sex because in my eyes sex is a vulnerable act”

2.       Sex is a vulnerable act by nature. It at least has a small emotional component to it, (regardless of whether or not it means something to the people doing it) because the act ITSELF makes you vulnerable – you are naked at least in some form and you are sharing an intimate part of you, whether that means body parts or emotions with your partner.  

3.       According to this piece I wrote, I say that the sex I will have THE FIRST TIME (because this piece is about virginity in specific) is going to be “clean” in the way that I won’t NEED to feel guilt or shame about it after which I would potentially feel

if I wasn’t in love with the person that first time. Did I say that I wouldn’t EVER have sex where I wasn’t in love, or that this kind of sex is superior? I said for ME this is what I WANT for the FIRST TIME. FOR ME for my FIRST TIME this kind of sex is personally superior to any other kind of sex I could have. I WANT to be in love when I do it, and if I WAS strongly in love, I wouldn’t feel like I’m “just having sex with some guy”, but that I’m sharing an emotional bond. This is what I want, but that opinion shouldn’t make others believe that I am saying that their way is any better or worse, and who knows if it would ever actually happen that way for me.

This is a poetic piece of writing, not a diary entry.

         “you can only feel vulnerable around people that you love.”

4.       I don’t agree with that, and I also never said that.

“holding out on the deep desire to feel good is okay because I don’t believe in it unless it’s love because sex is love and love is sex.”

5.       “holding out on the deep desire to feel good is okay…” YES… 

6.       “…because I don’t believe in it unless it’s love” No. This should be changed to “I don’t WANT it the FIRST TIME I DO IT unless it’s love.” And I use the word “I” here for a reason – it’s about ME. PERSONALLY. MY GOAL FOR MYSELF. 

7.       “sex is love and love is sex” also not true, and I think the reasons are obvious here. I see you possibly got this idea that I believe that from this part here: “I don’t believe in sex to feel good to get over things to escape to pass the time. We could watch some shitty movie and talk and make out but that’s not love, it’s boredom.” Once again, I say this from the point of view of having sex for the first time and not any other time. This is where I make my so-called “mistake” in this piece, because I don’t mean to condemn how others see sex in any way by me saying “I don’t believe in sex to feel good to get over things etc”… what I meant by that was, that first time, I want to do it because of love and not cause the person I am doing it with and I are bored or “ready to get it over with”. That I don’t believe in for MYSELF, which I guess was quite unclear and has gotten you so riled up. So that I apologize for, and looking back, wish I could change so my precise thought would be articulated more clearly. I am sorry to anyone who got offended by that, and if you did get offended, you probably shouldn’t be on the internet because there are a lot more offensive things out there than an 18 year old girl proclaiming she personally wants to wait till she’s in love to jump someone’s bones. 

My favourite line of the piece was “and all I want is to love you when I’m fucking you.” I think that would sum it all up nicely. That would explain why you are still a virgin without adding that everything else is ‘bad sex’. 

8. Thanks for reading this thoroughly enough to have a favourite line. I also think it’s my favourite, and if I could sum up what I wrote in one line, this would be it. I really don’t think I added that everything else is “bad sex” though, which is where I have to disagree with you. In the beginning I mention how people tell me to get it over with: “And THEY say it’s overrated. I should get it over with. It’s always awkward-as-hell that first time anyways.” because THEY imply it is bad sex. I then go into ways it could be “bad” (by bad I mean not enjoyable in this context) but I say I choose not to believe that it will be “not enjoyable/bad” that first time for me because I will make sure it’s an act of love, which would ensure that I would enjoy it. I didn’t imply that others going out and having sex was “bad”, I just acknowledge the fact that many people nowadays don’t see it as a “sacred act” as I say I do in my piece. This is an extremely generalized truth in society as a whole that is very difficult to ignore. 

I never once said “I think having sex without love is bad”. By writing this piece I say, “I want to be in love the first time I have sex because then I will enjoy it, then I personally wouldn’t feel “dirty or wrong” the way I might if I wasn’t in love. I would feel dirty or wrong if I had sex with someone I didn’t love because it makes me uncomfortable as it is and if I didn’t love them I’d feel more uncomfortable still after it happened.”

This is what I meant by this whole piece. I didn’t mean to cause any fuss by this. As you have told me a few times now, things on the internet should be critiqued. Thanks for taking the time to critique my piece of writing that reflected my mood for ten minutes that I decided to post on tumblr. I hope this cleared up any concerns you had and I am very sorry if I offended you and the way you see sex by writing a personal account of how I want to do it that first time in poem form.